My Man: the enabler

Chubby together

Last evening, as I sat in my boyfriend’s apartment, chowing on something out of my budget and off of my diet, I started to wonder how I got to this point. I’m supposed to be turning over a new leaf, changing my ways, and making better choices, not only about my diet, but also about my money. But around my man, all hell breakes loose.

My boyfriend is a man that eats out for a majority of his meals. A meal at home is a Cup-of-Noodle and leftovers.  He does not workout, smokes tobacco, and smokes more trees than I care to acknowledge. His favorite frequents are the value menus of Jack-in-the-Box, Wendy’s, and any other fast food joint in sight. Also, when I go to his place, I stay too late and end up not working out in the morning as planned.

I’ve told him about my fitness goals and he was happily supportive and enthusiastic about making the changes. He pumped my head up with wanting to jog at the local park and desiring to learn how to shop healthier and properly buy groceries. I was excited that my boo thang was also on board with building healthier lifestyles.

As time progressed, I noticed, however, that actions were most likely not going to accompany his words. He continued to smoke tobacco, evolving his habit from a Black & Mild cigar a day to a full out pack of cigarettes. The fast food trips continued, only wavering when money was tight. And guess what? No, there was not any time put in running at the local park.

Today is our 6-month anniversary and I have put on ten stinking pounds thus far. I don’t blame him, nor do I blame me, I’m putting this one on the relationship itself. Some would say, “but Tricee, nobody is forcing the fork to your mouth.” True, but you will also never put a recovering crack addict, with a history of relapsing, in a crack house.

At this point, in my second attempt to reach my desired size, I consider myself a recovering addict with a history of relapsing. I have admitted that it is harder for me to say no and committing myself to my goals is going to take extra work. Some of that extra work towards making better choices; analyzing my relationships and running away from the bad ones.

So as I sat there last night, chewing on my pulled pork Vietnamese sandwich, I began to notice during this official week of “healthier living” I have cheated on my eating plan twice and have missed a workout; each incident occurring as a result of being with him. He even tempted me with tobacco.

I realized that he was the crack house and I was sitting in his living room, smoking a rock. Instead of eating the meal that I packed for class, going home to do homework, and getting enough sleep before the gym, I was sitting in my boyfriend’s living room, eating processed carbohydrates and losing much needed sleep.

Making lifestyle changes can be tough, especially if you tend to relapse and involve yourself in relationships that enable your bad habits. A good way to prepare for this challenge is to tell those that may affect your efforts about your goals and what you need to accomplish them. Also, pay attention to and acknowledge people in your life that are enablers. If enablers are unwilling to stop enabling, then don’t take it personal and get some distance.

I’ve decided to distance myself from the enabling crack house I call a boyfriend until I am stronger or he makes changes. To be honest, if I have to become stronger to deal with our conflicting lifestyles then I don’t believe this is going to work out too well.

Check out my video discussion @ Boo Thangs and Weight Loss

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4 thoughts on “My Man: the enabler

  1. You can’t change others you can only change yourself.

    My husband you used to make me ‘lazy’ until I realized all I have to do is do what I want to do. It’s not your man’s fault. You can easily say no. And if you eat a salad you might be surprised that one day he might do the same. You are both enabling each other by both caving in.

    Please don’t take offense to this, its just been my experience that you can’t put blame or depend on anyone else for your own success.

    • No offense taken. I do realize that I can not change him and do not want to. True, lasting change comes from within and voluntarily. Also, I do not blame him for the fact that I can not make the right choices. In deciding that I need some space, I am acknowledging that I have a problem with self-control. So much so that I am not strong enough to influence a change in my boyfriend’s habits just yet. Until I am able to, I feel it is best for me to keep myself in a space where I can stay on track. I never really believed enablers could be blamed for causing a bad habit unless the enabler was fully aware and deliberately enabling. Usually enabling occurs with good intentions.

      • Well at least you got your head on start. Smart move to focus on yourself. Important for a women to take time and take care of herself. I wish you much success on your journey!

  2. Pingback: 1 week of solid hard work, many more to come | 2012 Fitness Journey

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